“Not Letting go”
Dear Mr Matchmaker,
I am writing to complain about the number of matches in the box I bought today. I had run out of matches to light my fire and had to wait until Thursday of this week to go to buy them. Thursday is the day I do my shopping and although I know the shops are open all day every day in this country I do not allow my routine to be changed. So I waited for the store to open - normally you open the door at 8 am sharp. (and as it happens I know you from way back, in fact we were at school together but if you’ll excuse me for saying so, you were never a very precise person ) But on this particular Thursday it was all of 4 minutes past 8 when you deigned to open the door of your store . This late opening set my metabolism in a twist to say the least because I am a methodical person and do not like to upset my routine. ( I’m out of work at the moment and have never had a job since leaving school in fact so time is on my hands -I can’t understand it really and all these rejections are depressing but this is another matter ) After having brought my box of matches home - I read on the box that there were 100 matches in it. Being a well-ordered person and liking to verify things I counted the matches. I include two photographs I took this afternoon that show the box with the number 100 in clear black and white numbers. I should like to inform you that there are in fact only 97 matches in this particular box. A number which is totally false and incorrect. Matches cannot be matched with uneven numbers. Also I have calculated that I need to light my fire in my sitting room plus light the gas three times a day which amounts to 100 matches to be struck every month. Having only 97 matches in the box means that I shall have to go without food and warmth for one day on this month - this very coldest month of the year ——January. If it had been in the month of July for example or even August I wouldn’t have bothered you but really this inconvenience is just too much. I do appreciate that your staff can possibly make mistakes in counting out the matches that you put in your boxes - but you are the boss after all and I really think it is your duty to check on the counting a little more frequently. I am therefore asking you for a refund of the 80 cents I spent on this uneven box of matches.
Dear David (may I call you that as you so kindly reminded me we were at school together although I don’t recollect any pleasant memories in your company - were you the boy with the thick glasses and slicked by brillantine hair style sitting at the back row checking that the number of pages in the exercise books were correct? Thumbing through them licking your finger and clicking your tongue to turn over the pages as you mumbled and grumbled preventing us all from concentrating on what the teacher was saying? ) I also do recall your raising havoc on the time it took to eat lunch. In Mrs Jones’s class we had 15 minutes to eat our sandwiches and drink our milk - and if I recall you went round the lunch room with a timer to make sure we finished on the dot. You then had your parents send in a letter to the school principal complaining of the fact that most boys took 17.5 minutes to finish lunch and threatened to make a further fuss to the town council if the lunch time wasn’t changed from this 15 minutes to 17.5 minutes. It seems to me that we all have only one life to live and would it best not to live it counting out and checking number silly ocities.
I most humbly apologise for the lack of said matches in the box but as you know I am a busy man and counting matches is not on my schedule. I really cannot understand why you are making such a hubbub about having 97 matches in a box instead of 100 - I am happy to reimburse you the 80 cents if this makes you happy but if I may be so bold as to give you a little bit of advice - just cool down relax and live without counting, calculating, and tallying up everything and everybody.
Not letting go of your childhood maniacal phobias is hindering you in this world, preventing you from getting a job and moving forward.
You’ll see life will improve and be a better place for you and especially for others.
Yours sincerely,
The matchmaker
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