Thursday, 20 October 2016

Writing club assignement - An annoying habit

An Annoying habit

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Princess.   Her hair was spun of gold and curled gently into ringlets, her complexion of peaches and cream and her emerald green eyes seemed to brighten the world.   Her parents the King and Queen of the land of Fortune were desperate to see her married as having brought up and already wedded  their 5 other daughters   -   she was the last one to leave the nest.

  They were eager to start their own life again - travel and see the world as they were still young at heart and soul having married when they were very young.   
 So the King and Queen of the land of Fortune searched high and low among their holdings for a suitor - interviewed and invited  suitable candidats who came from far and wide to meet the beautiful Princess and eventually ask for her hand in mariage.   Many of them spoke to her, tried to bring her into conversation and enticed her with delicious things to eat and drink.   Asked her well thought out questions - drew her into fascinating debates and complimented generously upon her fair self - tempted her into real discussions about her favorite dogs and again her horses.    - It wasn’t as if their conversation was boring,  their well  prepared questions and stories were interesting enough,  she just remained silent.   They went away disappointed that she had not  revealed what should have been a honey silk voice to go with the beautifulness of herself.

A sovereign brought golden frogs from his country, a Prince from Mongolia spices from far away,  another well born young man exotic silks from Morocco - an Egyptian of noble birth some ancient coins and a Russian Csar his sapphires from the transvaal.     Still the Princess didn’t speak.      She remained silent just nodding her head with a slight smile on her enticingly cupid shaped lips.     Although she looked divine, dressed beautifully and her perfume sent most pretendents into a swoon - she refused to open her mouth.   One by one the young men turned away unable to bear not hearing  her voice and not wanting to take the risk of marrying her and have a lifetime of silence.

 The King and Queen of the land of Fortune looked on approvingly at their last daughter as she did as she was told and kept her mouth shut at all times.    They continued to present suitable young men to the palace.  They had made a bargain with their daughter that she should not utter a word and remain silent at all times and only when she was married would they permit her to converse.  
 The trouble was that the lovely princess had a terrible annoying habit that would have frightened off any man if he ever heard her speak before mariage.  

Every time she opened her mouth, her tongue, which was  twice the normal size and deformed into a knot got jumbled up with her crooked front teeth, which were  terribly pointy and spiky and so when she spoke every other word came out as a clucking sound like a chicken.  (Cluck How cluck do cluck you do cluck …. )
the sound came out of her exquisite mouth and sounded like a mother hen calling her chicks ……So she didn’t speak but she “clucked”.    This annoying unfortunateness had been with her all her childhood and was so irritating and exasperating to her immediate family that all of them had worn earplugs whenever she was in a room so irksome was the noise.  So as it was now the time for her to find a husband, the King and Queen of the land of Fortune had forbade her to speak so as not to put off any future lover

Imagine her clucking her way through official receptions, squawking to heads of state, attending state balls, paying visits to hospitals and speaking at official functions not speaking but cluckety clucking like a swarm of old hens. 

One day a young man presented himself to the court.  He shook hands with the King and bowed deeply to the Queen but did not utter a sound. The King and Queen exchanged complicit  glances ….maybe this could be the one.    A speechless Prince.     The appealing Princess curtseyed and met the handsome Princes admiring gaze.  They observed each other and very gently took each others hands and danced the night away.    Never a word was spoken.
On their wedding night the Prince and Princess decided that at last they would speak to each other.
She clucked like a chicken and he barked like a fox and they started to chase each other around their honeymoon suite - having the most wonderful time but upsetting the hotel staff considerably who thought there was a farmyard installed in their expensive honeymoon suite.
The couple had 6 children who all grew up to all have very annoying habits -moooooo ….quack quack    squeak queak etc. etc.

Thursday, 13 October 2016

The subject for this writing group project was - The moment of Truth

The moment of truth …….

…….The moment of truth When you rush to get your train only to discover when you hear the announcement by the conductor that you’re going in the wrong direction

……The moment of truth When you buy a very large packet of dried dog food - haul it to the car then  lug it up the steep steps home - feed your by then starving dog only to discover that they are the wrong brand and she won’t eat them

……The moment of truth When you find that stamped ready to post envelope that has been hiding under the linen pile to find that it was an unpaid bill and the fine is even bigger than the bill itself

…..The moment of truth is when A glance in an outside mirror brings a “moment of truth”

…………..The moment of truth When you try on your last years jeans and can’t get them past your expanding thighs

………The moment of truth When you’ve been on holiday in a white and beige rented flat and come home to your cluttered house and feel claustrophobic

……The moment of truth When little children call you Granny and you realize that it is yes yourself

The moment of truth When you’ve been by the sea where everything is blue, sky, sea, pool, blue striped T shirts and you come home to green countryside and get the blues

The moment of truth is when you Prepare a big bag of old clothes to throw away only to discover weeks later that you’ve mistakenly got rid of your brand new jacket that cost a fortune

The moment of truth is When you sit for hours trying to figure out something on your computer and a 9 year old shows it to you in one click 5 seconds

The moment of truth is when you say yes to a dinner invitation only to discover that you had already said yes to another person on the same night …. The moment of truth when you might have Alzeimhers

The moment of truth when you take time to make a list for shopping and get to the shops to find you’ve left it behind..

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

the theme of this writing club story was "Not letting Go"

“Not Letting go”

Dear Mr Matchmaker,  

I am writing to complain about the number of matches in the box I bought today.  I had run out of matches to light my fire and had to wait until Thursday of this week to go to buy them.   Thursday is the day I do my shopping and although I know the shops are open all day every day in this country I do not allow my routine to be changed.    So I waited for the store to open - normally you open the door at 8 am sharp.   (and as it happens I know you from way back, in fact we were at school together but if you’ll excuse me for saying so, you were never a very precise person )   But on this particular Thursday it was all of 4 minutes past 8 when you deigned to open the door of your store . This late opening set my metabolism in a twist to say the least because I am a methodical person and do not like to upset my routine.   ( I’m out of work at the moment and have never had a job since leaving school in fact so time is on my hands -I can’t understand it really and all these rejections are depressing but this is another matter ) After having brought my box of matches home - I read on the box that there were 100 matches in it.  Being a well-ordered  person and liking to verify things I counted the matches.  I include two photographs I took this afternoon that show the box with the number 100 in clear black and white numbers.   I should like to inform you that there are in fact only 97 matches in this particular box. A number which is totally false and incorrect.  Matches cannot be matched with uneven numbers.   Also I have calculated that I need to light my fire in my sitting room plus light the gas three times a day which amounts to 100 matches to be struck every month.   Having only 97 matches in the box means that I shall have to go without food and warmth  for one day on this month - this very coldest month of the year ——January.  If it had been in the month of July for example or even August I wouldn’t have bothered you but really this inconvenience is just too much.  I do appreciate that your staff can possibly make mistakes in counting out the matches that you put in your boxes - but you are the boss after all and I really think it is your duty to check on the counting a little more frequently.   I am therefore asking you for a refund of the 80 cents I spent on this uneven box of matches.  

Dear David (may I call you that as you so kindly reminded me we were at school together although I don’t recollect any pleasant memories in your company - were you the boy with the thick glasses and slicked by brillantine hair style sitting at the back row checking that the number of pages in the exercise books were correct? Thumbing through them licking your finger and clicking your tongue to turn over the pages as you mumbled and grumbled preventing us all from concentrating on what the teacher was saying? )  I also do recall your raising havoc on the time it took to eat lunch.    In Mrs Jones’s class we had 15 minutes to eat our sandwiches and drink our milk - and if I recall you went round the lunch room with a timer to make sure we finished on the dot.    You then had your parents send in a letter to the school principal complaining of the fact that most boys took 17.5 minutes to finish lunch and threatened to make a further fuss to the town council if the lunch time wasn’t changed from this 15 minutes to 17.5 minutes.       It seems to me that we all have only one life to live and would it best not to live it counting out and checking number silly ocities.

I most humbly apologise for the lack of said matches in the box but as you know I am a busy man and counting matches is not on my schedule.   I really cannot understand why you are making such a hubbub about having 97 matches in a box instead of 100 -   I am happy to reimburse you the 80 cents if this makes you happy but if I may be so bold as to give you a little bit of advice  - just cool down relax and live without counting, calculating, and tallying up everything and everybody.   
Not letting go of your childhood maniacal phobias is hindering you in this world, preventing you from getting a job and moving forward.  
You’ll see life will improve and be a better place for you and especially for others.
Yours sincerely,

The matchmaker