(04.01.2020)
What would I say to my younger self if I had the chance? Absolutely nothing. Or, simply: do it all the same! Change nothing. Every experience is valuable, even the painful ones. Just go out there and do it, make the same mistakes and the same good choices, and thank God for the chance to be alive and born into good circumstances. A good deal depends on luck. After that, just try for the best. That’s all you can do.
Except I would say, write home more to my mother; she hungered for it. And try harder to understand my father in his last days. And write more, in general, just for the record. So that I would know the details of that past life I have mostly forgotten. So, all right, write more. Try to understand more. After that, nothing. Just go ahead and do it!
But Paula suggested this theme, and Paula is not satisfied. She was hoping to learn more about each of us, and this text says nothing! OK, Paula, here are the details.
Should I say to myself, don’t be so shy? I was very shy. But that is the way one is, it’s something you can’t help. I had friends all the same, at least until I was eight. Then my parents moved to a place where there was no-one my age. My brothers and sisters all had companions on the block; not me. But that too I could not help, and so naturally I grew into the sort of person who reads and draws and plays the piano and enjoys being alone.
Was it right to ask my parents to let me go to the private girls’ school from eighth grade on? Of course I was cut off from boys and from the world, but it allowed me to blossom and to grow in assurance. Did I choose the right college, a Catholic women’s college I grew thoroughly sick of by the time I was out of it? Yes, that was probably where I fit best at the time, more sheltered than in an Ivy League school or a state university; I just had to grow out of it.
One of the best decisions I ever made was to go to Berkeley. The writer in residence in the writing program had said “Don’t go to writing school! Study literature!” Was medieval literature really the best choice for a would-be writer? You would probably say no, but I don’t regret it for a moment. Of course I forgot all about writing, and expected eventually to teach. Berkeley changed my world view; it was essential to my development.
The next major decision was capital: to apply for the Fulbright. I would never have thought of it on my own, it was Professor Muscatine who suggested it and encouraged me. I didn’t even expect to get it, but I did. I do in a way regret not rewarding his hopes in me and never finishing that thesis, but it was just not possible; Fate determined otherwise.
Some would disagree with my next decision, not to go home again and to make my life in France. But to me this was the major turning stone. Should I regret marrying the man I later divorced? Never! Should I have tried to keep him when things began to crack? Not there either. I needed the experience of fighting for myself, earning the money to buy my own apartment, struggling to keep the family together. We were friends again in the end; just not married to each other any more.
Should I have tried to remarry? I did look around, I did make efforts, some of which even lasted for a while, but there was no-one, really no-one that I thought I could live with, and now I don’t even look around any more. Maybe in America there are interesting men for divorcees, but I have never met anyone over here.
Well, then, Eve, this is longer than I intended. But it’s not my fault. My first draught was only two paragraphs. For the rest, you can thank Paula!
Annemarie
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Dear younger, thinner, nimbler less wrinkly me.
Let's assume we are in a dual-time zone covering 60 odd years and old me is going to give young me/you some good advice garnered through the last six decades.
Always be curious - no, not nosy, just curious. Yes keep climbing those walls which say PRIVATE - you never know who or what you will discover and when you are in our present time zone you will have fewer regrets. Remember climbing our boarding school roof with your our best friend for an illicit visit to see “Summer Holiday” at the cinema? Quite fair young me thought, as all the other girls had gone away for the weekend and although young me was caught climbing back in through the window by matron - well it was worth it. The best friend who has since led an incredibly sheltered life says it was the most daring thing she has done in her life! Well, you, young me must strive for far more excitement than that!
Friends, together with family, are the best part of our lives. You will make many but as you grow up and have boyfriends always keep a place and time for them because the boyfriends will pass but you want to embrace your friends (particularly when the boyfriends go).
It may not be easy to stand up and speak out for what’s important to you, but you will be amazed at how empowering, and important, it can be. It only needs several people to stand up for what they believe and people will take notice;-remember the suffragettes, the Greenham
Don't waste time on people who hurt you. Put them behind you and look to your friends and the future. and don't think everyone else is having a much jollier/fuller time than you - for instance at Christmas /New Year. Instead, why not invite others with nothing to do and have a great time together. The fastest way to improve the quality of your own life is by doing something that improves the quality of someone else’s.
Let's assume we are in a dual-time zone covering 60 odd years and old me is going to give young me/you some good advice garnered through the last six decades.
Always be curious - no, not nosy, just curious. Yes keep climbing those walls which say PRIVATE - you never know who or what you will discover and when you are in our present time zone you will have fewer regrets. Remember climbing our boarding school roof with your our best friend for an illicit visit to see “Summer Holiday” at the cinema? Quite fair young me thought, as all the other girls had gone away for the weekend and although young me was caught climbing back in through the window by matron - well it was worth it. The best friend who has since led an incredibly sheltered life says it was the most daring thing she has done in her life! Well, you, young me must strive for far more excitement than that!
Friends, together with family, are the best part of our lives. You will make many but as you grow up and have boyfriends always keep a place and time for them because the boyfriends will pass but you want to embrace your friends (particularly when the boyfriends go).
It may not be easy to stand up and speak out for what’s important to you, but you will be amazed at how empowering, and important, it can be. It only needs several people to stand up for what they believe and people will take notice;-remember the suffragettes, the Greenham
Don't waste time on people who hurt you. Put them behind you and look to your friends and the future. and don't think everyone else is having a much jollier/fuller time than you - for instance at Christmas /New Year. Instead, why not invite others with nothing to do and have a great time together. The fastest way to improve the quality of your own life is by doing something that improves the quality of someone else’s.
If you think something good about someone - tell them!
Stop looking inwards, in mirrors worrying about your funny nose etc., taking selfies - there is so much more to see the other way - other people's merits, beautiful UNSPOILT views.
Try new things - a new sport, hobby, language - it will keep you young, your body healthy and/or your mind from atrophying, or better still pay attention during your French lessons and you will be able to speak French so much better than old me! Do not stop reading. It opens worlds, comforts you, and it can find you friends if you join a book club!
Try new things - a new sport, hobby, language - it will keep you young, your body healthy and/or your mind from atrophying, or better still pay attention during your French lessons and you will be able to speak French so much better than old me! Do not stop reading. It opens worlds, comforts you, and it can find you friends if you join a book club!
A career isn't everything - if you must choose take the time with the children, you won't regret it.
Now,
those jazz dance classes you so enjoyed so much... keep doing them and
as we did in the aerobic class go right to the back of class so as not
to mess the others with our lack of time-keeping, rhythm or
musicality... and promise the teacher you do not want to be in the end
of term performance but stay with classes! After all you had your
moment as a paperchain when you danced in the ballet before the Queen
Mother - what more do we need?Look after your teeth - Even though ,at six
years old you fell and knocked out your 4 front teeth they grew back
nice and strong until, much older, I came to France and broke 2 back
teeth on French bread. Dental treatment is so expensive and can take so
long and is so painful so... don't eat French bread!
Remember the people you take for granted are usually those who looked after you - so please pass this letter on to my, your ,our daughter and son and enjoy the coming years as I have done!
Paula
Dear Paula,
Wow, do you have a lot to learn.
First off, you need to moisturize.
Everything. Every day. Trust me on this.
Be fierce in your friendships. You have
a lot of friends who love you crazy. They’re the keepers.
But, and I’m kind of jumping ahead
here, you can be loyal to a fault. There are a few people in your life who you
think are true, but they eventually will betray your trust, horribly, in life-changing
ways, and you have to just let that shit go. Let them go. It’s hard, but
it’s necessary. For your sanity.
On the other hand, there are times when
forgiveness seems impossible. Do it anyway. Not for the other person, but for you.
Trust me on this, too. You will sleep better at night.
Use sunscreen. Always. Maybe that way, we
will avoid all the freaking skin cancer scares later.
So, your body, right now? It’s strong,
and it’s supple, and it’s smooth. Enjoy that. Revel in it. Because all that
will go away one day, and when that happens, someday you’ll see photos of yourself
from where you are right now, and you will realize how freaking fabulous you
looked. So, stop thinking you’re fat. Stop wishing you had a flatter belly.
Right now? You’re the bomb.
OK, look. Many things are going to seem
to come easily to you: good grades in school, promotions at work, awards in
your profession, men falling for you. Don’t take any of that for granted. Not
one minute.
Keep working on being kind. To animals,
to strangers, to restaurant servers, to men you don’t want to date. You never
know what someone else is going through.
Hey, you need to remember to stretch,
every day. That’s important, too.
Get to know mom and dad. You will be
so, so glad once they’re gone. They will be your best teachers of unconditional
love. Oh, and after they’re gone, you’re going to dream about them. That’s
pretty cool.
Keep up with your French lessons. Really.
Because it will come in mighty
handy one day.
Oh, and you know what? It’s going to
take you years to find true love. You won’t realize it at first, but when you
do, you’ll fight for it. And it will so be worth it.
This sounds a little trite, but it’s
true: don’t sweat the small stuff. You will find out that two things matter:
health, and love. Everything else is just a movie. So quit worrying about what
other people think.
And, really. Don’t forget to
moisturize.
Jackie
Today
is my birthday. Yes, another unbelievable birthday. I am 105
years old. Can you imagine? Well here I
am – doing well for my age and looking back with tenderness at my young 70’s. .
. When I was 70 years old my girlfriends
gave me the best ever present. A
surprise lunch party. Dear friends who
had taken the trouble to get together, buy presents and create a real
surprise. This had happened only one
other time in my life when I was 21 and I was deeply touched.
So my
first advice to my younger 70’s self is to keep those friendships they are so
precious keep them close to your heart
When I was 70 I had a cancer and
thought the end had arrived. I was on the brink of saying “ok, lets go find
a rocking chair and wait it out” … but It made me realize several things that I
need to say because we tend to think once we reach our later years that life is
almost over and we don’t need to make an effort anymore. It is sometimes a time when we say “ok,
we’ve been there done this” type of thought and sit back on the comfy sofa to watch Netflix all day long.
This would be such a waste– even if we have a
few aches and pains, feel a little more fragile and unadventurous perhaps don’t
look as good as before there is still lots to get out of life and to
contribute.
So in
my 105th year I say to my younger self of 70 years - its not too late to make a
difference !
Smile more, worry less. Positivity is
infectious, and happiness is a choice.
Dreams do come true.
But dreams are nothing without action. Dream it, then DO it!
Don’t let anyone ever tell you your
dreams are out of reach. Only YOU know your full potential.
Don’t ever judge yourself in comparison
to others. Instead, judge yourself against what you know you’re capable of.
Its ok to write things down. We all become forgetful don’t be
ashamed. Write down your thoughts to
look back on, you’ll be amazed how many great ideas you forget!
Don’t think so much. Sometimes
it’s OK to just BE.
Never stop learning. Learning= growth=
youth. I still feel youthful at 105 years old.
Treat life as an adventure.
On their deathbeds, people usually regret the things they DIDN’T do.
Never forget where you come from. Let
the past keep you grounded and humble.
If you don’t have a serious passion
for what you’re doing, do something else instead. Life’s too short to work
“just for money.”
No matter how old you are, it’s never
too late to live the life you’ve always wanted.
So go for it girl !
Geraldine
If I had known! If I only had known what the earth meant to the world, to the oceans, to the birds, fishes, animals and people.
Would I have taken more care of it or would I have just continued as I do in this huge presumptuous consumer society.
Is it too late to question myself, or is it never too late?
It takes me right back to when I first saw "Gone with the wind" and Ret Butler at the very end looked at Scarlett O'Hara with this grin on his face to let her know it's too late....but there could be a doubt! Margaret Mitchel never wrote Tome 2 so..... Now, we, humans, write all the tomes to our lives and I hope there is still time to write the next one, adopting our behaviours to the necessity of LIFE.
This is what I want to hand down to my children, grandchildren and future generations.
We are just such a small part of NATURE, but we can harm her so profoundly ! So it's never too late.
If I had known! If I only had known what the earth meant to the world, to the oceans, to the birds, fishes, animals and people.
Would I have taken more care of it or would I have just continued as I do in this huge presumptuous consumer society.
Is it too late to question myself, or is it never too late?
It takes me right back to when I first saw "Gone with the wind" and Ret Butler at the very end looked at Scarlett O'Hara with this grin on his face to let her know it's too late....but there could be a doubt! Margaret Mitchel never wrote Tome 2 so..... Now, we, humans, write all the tomes to our lives and I hope there is still time to write the next one, adopting our behaviours to the necessity of LIFE.
This is what I want to hand down to my children, grandchildren and future generations.
We are just such a small part of NATURE, but we can harm her so profoundly ! So it's never too late.
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